Last evening I was online reading about certain celebrities who decided to be celibate until marriage, or celibate until they are in another committed relationship. I read about Lenny Kravitz, Jessica Simpson, Courtney Cox, and Elle Macpherson just to name a few. Reading about these people and other articles about celibacy made me realize that choosing to be celibate is not as uncommon as one would think. Celibacy is not exactly widespread, however more people than most would give credit for have been choosing to refrain from sex. There are many reasons why people choose to be celibate. For some people it is deeply rooted in their religious faith, and for others it for staying healthy in body and mind. I could not help but think of my own reasons for deciding to be celibate. I have been celibate for over twenty years. Yes, you read that correctly.
First, let me just say that I did not decide on celibacy for any religious reasons, although the reasons are based on the awareness of my spirituality. I am not speaking for any religion though, only for myself. I don’t care much for religion in fact. However, I am a very spiritual person who deeply believes in and relies heavily on that Higher Power that most people call God, but not in a religious sense. I do not believe that if you have sex before marriage that it is a sin. It may not be the wisest thing in many cases, but a sin, no. I do not accept the belief in a male God who sits up in the sky judging people. To me that is a human ego based concept of God. To me God is only love. I have come to know that God is all love and does not even know how to register imperfection in any of His/Her children.
My views about sex is not at all connected to the outer world’s notion of it. In the outer world there is so much pressure to engage in sex. The results are often not the best, and in some cases disastrous. For me, sex is not a contact sport. Some men (not all) seem to think that women are here to be receptacles for their sperm and some women allow it. I have come to know that all people are individualized manifestations of Mother-Father God, so to me my physical embodiment is to be taken care of and honored in a way that Universal Loving Intelligence deserves. This is one of the most important reasons that I have never slept around having multiple casual sex encounters. Shocked aren’t you? And just in case you are thinking it, NO, I am not a woman who just doesn’t like sex or anything like that. I am a healthy, vibrant female who loves life and embraces it. I think that sex is an important part of a relationship between two people, just should not the main reason that a couple gets together.
I think that sex is about making love and is a truly wonderful thing. It is the closest that a man and woman can get physically. Sex is not something that is dirty or taboo, although it has become so in the outer world. There is so much pressure to have sex, and I have never been comfortable with that. One of the biggest pains in the neck is being pressured to sleep with a man who I am trying to get to know and not even sure I would want to sleep with if I did get to know him better. Another big turn off for me is when a man says that he has needs, and if he can’t get “it” from me then he will have to get it from someone else. In that case he can go right ahead and do whatever he feels that he needs to do, but I will not be sticking around. I know these notions may seem really outdated, but I have to be authentic to myself and honor my personal values. If a man’s values are different from mine, then I feel that I should honor that and release him to go and do what he wants to do with some other woman and do it without judgement. I am simply not the woman for him, and he is not the man for me and you know what? It is not the end of the world. There are lots of other women who will sleep with him to keep him. I won’t and it is that simple. It is important to me to live my truth. I always tell people to do what is comfortable for them. If you are comfortable sleeping with everyone you date go right ahead. I am not comfortable doing that so I don’t.
Sex is an act of bonding for women, and I am not about to put myself in a position to be hurt by a man who simply wants a roll in the hay. I am worth much more than that; all women are. You have to have self-confidence to demand the kind of respect you deserve. If a man will leave you because you want to wait until you are ready to have sex, then he is simply not the man for you, and it is not the end of the world.
These words, spoken by Jesus Christ in the book, Christ Returns, Speaks His Truth, sums up what sex is supposed to be, to me. “When intercourse is prompted by pure heartfelt love between man and woman, the united human consciousness ascends, during intercourse, into higher and higher levels of ‘consciousness vibrational frequencies’ until they are caught up in the vibrational frequencies –
A lot of people (both men and women) do not like being unattached and view being single almost as if it is a disease. I freely admit that I would prefer not to be single and in a committed relationship (married) too, but compromising my core values is not an option that I am willing to offer myself as a path to getting there. I don’t think I need to be married first to have sex with a man that I love although I do admit I would like it to be that way. But I am not about jumping into bed with a man just because that is what is expected or required of me for him to stick around. I need to get to know a man first, be comfortable with him and feel ready to take that step. I have to know that he truly cares for me.
Dating and getting to really know one another can be so much fun if not for the pressures to jump into bed. I have come to really dislike dating because of the sexual pressures. As a result I have even stayed clear of dating for longer than I care to admit. The whole dating process became a drag for me and I simply do not like it anymore.
I admit that being purposely celibate for so long that I am a little nervous now. It has been so long that I cannot even remember what it is like to have sex. Additionally, as I wrote above, I was not “out there” when I was having sex. I have only slept with two men in my entire life, and in my eyes that is one man too many since I did not marry the first one. I have never had a one night stand either. I am over forty so men would assume that I am knowledgeable about sex but I’m not. In many ways I am more of a virgin now than I was when I really was one. I don’t think that I am asking for a lot. I simply want to be respected and truly loved for who I AM in its entirety. I admit that I have met and dated at least two men who were wonderful men, but I did not love them the way they loved me, so I thought it was important to let them go to find the woman who would love and appreciate them in the way that they truly deserved. Maybe I would have learned to love them more as time went on. Some women have told me that at first they were not attracted to their husband when they first met. As time went by they slowly fell passionately in love. That could have happened for me too, but that is all water under the bridge now. I think that I was too young to really appreciate these men at the time. I was still discovering who I am and what I wanted to do with my life. I was in a period of transition when I met those two men. The changes that I was going through at the time are over and I have long ago settled into a life that I enjoy. I have always wished both of those men the best that life has to offer, and I do hope that they found true love. I trust that they did.
My love is sweet as the rose and here for my handsome Prince Charming to claim. He is constant in his love and as romantic as a beautiful spring morning and lovely peonies in bloom. He makes me laugh and we live our dreams together. We are best friends and individualized manifestations of Mother-Father God expressing all that we are. He is strong yet gentle and sweet and appreciates the gifts that I have for him.
The words I Love You from my Prince Charming would come from his heart to mine. The words I Love you would come from my heart to his and it would be as sweet and fragrant as a rose.