This subject seems like a very appropriate one to follow the post just prior this one. Click on Why I Do Not Have Any Children, if you have not read it yet. The obvious question then is, would I date a man with children.
One of my friend’s and neighbor never had any children either, but she did get married. My friend and her husband are not divorced, but they have been separated for more than a dozen years. He has long ago moved on to someone else, and my friend has done the same. Anyway, after a relationship that my friend had with a man who had children, she decided that from now on she does not want any men with kids. The guy had about 4 children with two women. Between the children, and the drama with the children’s mama’s she decided that she would avoid men with children from here on in.
For decades men received a lot of flack for not wanting to have relationships with women who had children. Personally, I never gave men flack about that. I think that it is a personal decision that everyone has the right to make for whatever reason without judgement. Of course you do limit yourself, and you can end up missing out on getting to know some great people, but it is still a choice that I feel everyone has the right to. Not everyone loves kids for one. And if you do meet a man who loves kids, there is no guarantee that he is going to love yours the way that you would like. Navigating around ready-made families can be challenging, especially when you are dealing with kids who are teenagers.
I did a Google search on the subject, and came across a blog called Single Dating Diva. The author wrote an article titled, Dating Men With Kids…Why I Don’t Go There. The author states that she wants to come first in a relationship. When you are dating a man with children, you often come in second. He has to make time for his children, which he should. The author plainly states that men with children should put their children high on their agenda. She just doesn’t want to have to deal with it and come in second place. I admire her for her honesty, and feel that she deserves credit for being honest. At least men will clearly know where she stands.
I am not going to say that I would not date a man with children. Let’s face it, by the time a woman reaches her mid thirties, she is not likely to run into too many men who have not sprouted seeds somewhere. Sometimes the man has sprouted seeds with more than one woman. I would not reject a man with children, but I do have some guidelines. If a man does have children, I would prefer that none of them are little children. Little children are so precious, but at this stage in my life, I no longer look forward to dealing with what comes with having little children around on a regular basis. I would prefer it if his children were at least 18. I know two women who dated men who were 50 years-old. One of the men had several children under the age of 10. He had child support payments for all of them. The other man had two nearly grown children whom he was paying child support for, but he had just gotten a 25 year-old woman pregnant. That means that another child support order would be issued at some point in the future. He was getting so close to child support coming to an end with the two nearly grown children. You would think that by now he would have better sense to put a “raincoat” on it before having sex. Now he will never get out from under child support.
I have to keep it real because this is an important issue. I prefer not to get involved with any men who are going to be paying out child support until he is 70 plus years old. I’ve worked as a payroll administrator for over 25 years, so I always have to deal with child support garnishments. A huge chunk of a man’s salary gets sent to child support enforcement. Of course men should take care of their children, but sometimes I just don’t know how the court system comes up with many of the amounts that a man has to pay. The more money he makes it seems the higher the payment. It is not uncommon for a man to have $500, $600 and even $700 per week coming out of his paycheck for child support. How many women out there actually spend $500, $600 or $700 every week on their children? But I am starting to get off the subject now, so allow me to regroup.
While I am not going to completely rule out men who do have children, I do not want to become involved with any man who has spread his genes all over the place. Sexual irresponsibility is a sign of immaturity to me. I have never been that way, and I am not interested in men who are not mature enough to remember that when he has sex with a woman that a child can be the result. Additionally, who wants to be with a man who will be paying child support until the day he dies. I also do not want to have to deal with baby mama drama.
I am older now, and I have grown up quite a bit with my life experiences. What I desire now for my life in terms of a love relationship is different in, at least, one major way than what I desired 25 years ago. I still see myself as being married, but at this point in my life, I see the dynamics of it being very different from the young woman living in the country with 10 children. Since I did not have any children, and have finally made peace with that, I now seek a union with a man where it is mainly just the two of us. This may seem very selfish to some of you, but so be it. This is my life that I am making choices for.
Any children that a man has (hopefully grown or very near to it) will always be welcomed by me to come and visit us any time. But I prefer that it be just me and hubby living in our home. I am not interested in picking up toys now or having to tell a teenager the same thing a millions times before he/she does it. With older children I am counting on them knowing by then how to behave when they come to visit their father and me. They also will be less likely to move in with us…HA! That does sound awful doesn’t it? You know that I am going to keep it real no matter how it sounds. Hey, remember that I am not bringing any children or emotional baggage from any failed marriages or live in love relationships to him, so I don’t want a man bringing any to me.
I am at a stage in my life where I want to do a lot of traveling when I finish school. If I am married by then, I want my husband and I to be free to pick up and travel to all the far corners of the globe. I want us to be adventurous, and experience many things and places together. I also would like him to be my helpmate for a “project” that I am working on and is very important to me.
Just him and me please.